


in the first place, i wasn't even a choice

by orphan_account



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eunsang is Junho's childhood bestfriend and is apparently inlove with him. Junho used to introduce different girlfriends to her on a weekly basis but he realized he was too insensitive and stopped which made Eunsang think he has s chance. Little did he know...
Relationships: Cha Junho/Lee Eunsang
Kudos: 16





	in the first place, i wasn't even a choice

**Author's Note:**

> i made this long ago. just posting it now. i know it's lame, don't even expect anything

"Junho was my closest friend. We spent basically all of our childhood together. I accompanied him on his swimming competitions, he went to my gigs when we grew older. We attended the same school, we did everything with each other." 

"Oh, how I wish we were that close too." said Lia, the girl who Junho introduced to me as his girlfriend a while ago. 

_ Why am I wishing for your wish to not come true? Oohh Lee Eunsang-ssi, what's with this attitude? You should be happy for your bestfriend. But I guess, I can't keep lying to myself anymore. I can't hold myself back anymore. I like Junho and it's something that's out of my control. And, the number of years we spent together is my only ace in this game of cards. _

* * *

"I broke up with Lia."  


"And? What do you want me to do?"  


_ That tone. There it is again. The tone Junho couldn't distinguish every time. But it's how I do it to everytime. This might sound mean but, this is my way of coping up with the fairytale I can't and never will experience. _

"Why are you always like this?" Junho raising his voice? Not very familiar.  


_ This feels strange. _  


"What do you mean?"  


_ I was startled, of course. _  


"Don't act like you don't know what I mean! When I introduce my girlfriends to you act all friendly to them and then when we break up, you don't care at all! It's like you're happy I'm with them but at the same time you're not! It's awful----it's confusing me." Junho shouted as he quickened his pace until Eunsang can't outrun him anymore. 

_ Confusing, huh? It sure is. Even I don't know why I act this way. I don't have the courage to ask you out at all. Besides, I really am happy when you get to together with them. But I'm also really not sad when you break up, maybe because I get the slightest hope that we can be together even if there is no assurance. _

* * *

After that, what happened was what I least expected to happen. We continued to be with each other like nothing happened. But, there was a difference----the girl part. He never brought a girlfriend anymore. 

"Junho, why aren't you bringing girlfriends anymore?"  


"Be honest, do you like it?"  


"Of course not."  


"Then why won't you tell me that?"  


"So it wouldn't hurt your feeling."  


"When will you ever put yourself first, Lee Eunsang?"  


"Are you mad at me?"  


"I want to be mad at you! You're my bestfriend and yet i'm causing you discomfort and you've never actually told me!" The moment Junho said that, a teardrop managed to escape his half-closed eyes.  


"I'm sorry."  


"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I should have noticed sooner."  


"Jun- " before I even finished what he had to say, Junho have interrupted him already.  


"I promise this Eunsang, I'll never introduce a girl to you again----until I'm sure that I'll marry her."  


_ And that part broke a tenth of Eutnsang's heart for what he wanted to say was...  
_

_ "Junho, I should'ved noticed something earlier too. That I like you. That I like my bestfriend." _

* * *

2 years later...  


"Sang, today's the day. I'm gonna ask her to be my girlfriend."  


I faked a smile as I straightened Junho's tie, perfecting my bestfriend's because I want him to be the best-looking gent for his birthday. Everything has to be perfect. The whole school will be there and this is a special day for Junho. I just have to pretend like I feel nothing at all and wait 'til these feelings fade. 

A low feedback from the sound system was heard gathering everyone's attention that someone has took control of the mic. 

"First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for being here with me to celebrate this day." Everyone had their eyes on Junho at that time. "At the same time, I'd also like to take this opportunity to profess my admiration to someone special to me. Kim Yehan-ssi, are you willing to date me?" 

"Yes."  


Cheers stood out of all the sounds you can hear in that room but a faint sobbing can be heard in my direction. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to exit the place quietly but because I rushed out, I hit the chair I was sitting at and it made noise. 

"Gosh, what an attention-seeker."  


"He ruined the moment."  


Those words catalysed tears and I couldn't bear keep within myself anymore. He hurried to one of the cubicles of the comfort room and consoled his self. 

* * *

> ** "The hardest part of being sad is that everyone thinks you did it for attention." Well, maybe I actually did----I did want your attention. **

"Eunsang, where are you? I didn't see you leave earlier. Anyways, I'm taking her out. Bye bye." That was Junho on the line.

> ** But I never got it. There was always be something before me. And maybe it's not your fault, it's just how things are. **

* * *


End file.
